... To live content with small means;
to seek elegance rather than luxury,
and refinement rather than fashion;
to be worthy, not respectable,
and wealthy, not rich;
to study hard, think quietly,
talk gently, act frankly;
to listen to the stars and birds,
to babes and sages with open heart;
to bear on cheerfully, do all bravely,
awaiting occasions, worry never;
in a word, to, like the spiritual,
unbidden and unconscious,
grow up through the common ~

"Most folks are about as happy as they make their minds up to be."

~ Abraham Lincoln

Little did I know as a wide-eyed, twenty-something teacher in the Gettysburg, PA, school system, when I first encountered those famous words, that I would deeply come to understand and apply to my own life the wisdom of Lincoln's simple, yet sage advice a decade later.

After a long period of ill health in my 30's, resulting in devastating personal and financial consequences, those words came back to me and eventually formed the essence of my daily mantra.

I learned that happiness is indeed a choice, despite dire circumstances.

With Faith, Hope, and Positivity ... I eventually chose to laugh rather than cry ~ to replace negative feelings with positive energy ... to manage my daily pain and fatigue, rather than curse it.

It was the only way I could continue to be the best mother I could be for my children. Ultimately, continually choosing time after time to make that choice has brought me deep personal satisfaction and inner serenity.

None of us gets through this world unscathed. Among other well known torments, Lincoln quietly suffered the daily pain of Marfan's Syndrome, the death of his son at an early age, and his wife's severe depressions.

My own challenges took the form of a debilitating, chronic illness that led to a subsequent amicable ( but nonetheless painful ) divorce and having no choice at the time but to relinquish my two children to their father's care for long periods of time, due to my declining health.

Ultimately, our then ten year old chose to continue living with her father, in her familiar neighborhood, for much of the time. Although best for her, it shattered my heart, knowing that in her mind, it felt like "Mom left us." Our three year old remained with me, with extended visits throughout the week to be with her beloved sister and daddy, so that I could rest and recharge for her return. It was an incredibly difficult time of transition and turmoil for all of us to be split apart. No one ever knew the extent of my daily pain and anguish.

Eventually, I also had to walk away from the very teaching career that defined me, due to my deteriorating condition.

Although I chose to give up my beautiful home so that my children could continue to live and thrive there, it felt like I gave up my status in the community as a productive, church going mom, wife and career woman as well (also losing my comfortable financial status. )

Gone, too, was my very sense of self-worth and, eventually, my desire to go on.

If it wasn't for my two loving daughters, I felt very little reason to continue living as things were at the time. My deeply rooted love for them and my childhood faith sustained me, ultimately keeping me accountable, even when I wasn't in my right frame of mind and no longer wanted to live.

It wasn't until years later, after combating a subsequent, severe depression and enduring much ongoing medical treatment, that I was able to "surrender" and accept my fate with grace (and even gratitude for the necessary evolvement of my soul, I've come to believe.)

With the depression lifted, I could finally, with peace, resign myself to knowing that I could never again be who I once was ... but realized that I was now free to begin the work of becoming who I still could be. I began to consider myself one very lucky mother and blessed woman, despite all my losses.

"It's never too late to become what you might have been."

~ Serendipity Mom